Only in my family,

can a discussion about promise rings become a discussion about cock rings.

Not nearly as exciting

Last night while at my parent's house, I let my mom hear a song that I thought was funny. If you've never heard it, you can go here and listen to it. It's called 'Fore She was Mama.'

In the song, there is a line about the mother not admitting that she smoked marijuana. Every time this line came on, I would look at my mom and say "Mmm hmmm." Every time, she would say that she never did. I'll buy that I guess.

Then the line came on about the mother dating a guy named Charlie who rode a Harley. When I looked at my mom, she said, "There was no Charlie with a Harley, but one time there was Steve with a Honda."

Not posting this because I feel guilty, but because I finally got the kick in the ass I needed tonight at dinner

The day Kaitlyn was born, our family was changed forever. Not just by having another person in family pictures or another mouth to feed or someone else to find gifts for, but by having the sweetest baby on the planet to bring us closer together.

When my sister told my parents that she was pregnant, my mom was happier than I have ever seen her (once she got over the fact that my sister did her pregnancy test at my house and not at my mom's). My mom has always talked about having grandchildren. When we would go shopping, she would always find tiny baby clothes that she couldn't wait to buy for her first grandchild. Of course, she would spend more time picking out dresses for little girls, but she would always say that she didn't have a preference. She just couldn't wait to have a grandchild. And you could tell that she meant it. My dad, on the other hand, just sat in his chair and said, "Huh. How about that." And that was it. Until the day Kaitlyn was born. Then I saw a very different side of my father.

When I saw how my father acted with my two young cousins, I knew that he would be a great grandfather (well, not a great grandfather because that would be his father, but you get what I'm saying here), but I had no idea how great. I don't think it would be too much to say that Pop Pop is one of Kaitlyn's favorite people. Whenever the whole family is together, she can often be found searching for his face. You almost never see her happier than when Pop Pop is making one of his silly faces for her. She smiles the biggest smiles that you will ever see her smile (geez, I own four thesauruses, but I obviously can't take the time to find another word for smile. Or even take the time to just rewrite that sentence so that I don't use the word smile 14 times. Yet I can take the time to write out my thought process about using the word smile too many times. Okay. Enough of the that. Ahem.).

One of the sweetest things I have seen is when Pop Pop is asleep in his chair with Kaitlyn sleeping on his chest. Now growing up, I saw some scary sides of my father (it probably didn't help that I was a brat), but those are long forgotten when you see how gentle and sweet he is with Kaitlyn. Of course, my mother and I are constantly fighting over who gets to hold her. And then sometimes my father will walk up and say, "Let me hold her for a minute." At first, we actually thought it would only be a minute. But we are slowly learning that once Pop Pop gets to hold her, we are never going to get a chance. When I see my father holding my niece, I realize what a great father he was and what an even better grandfather he has become. I am proud to know him and call him my father.

According to my dad,

here are a couple of appropriate responses to the Jehovah's Witnesses knocking on the door:

a. Just don't answer the door. (Although they were at the next-door neighbor's house when you pulled into the driveway 4 minutes ago. And there are four cars in the driveway. But they'll probably believe no one's home.)

b. Tell them you are an atheist

c. Invite them in for afterbirth and crackers

d. Tell them that they are just in time for the virginal sacrifice

R.I.P.

Timothy Starr Lee (05/30/80-01/05/07)

Yet another reason my family rocks

Dad: I had to go to one of the porno shops on Dickerson Road to give them a bid. And I had to wait on the manager of the store.

Me: Did he come out of the back room wiping his sticky hands off?

Dad (totally serious): No, he came in the front door.

*Now that I've typed this out, it feels like one of those "you had to be there" moments, but let me tell you, after he said that, my mom and I rolled in the floor laughing.

Just a couple of the things that I am thankful for:

1) my kick-ass friends- I would be lost without them
2) my even kick-assier family- I could write a million words about all that they do for me, but not tonight
3) my boss who loves me
4) Megan's grandma's wontons- fuck, yeah
5) cheap shampoo that still makes my hair look great
6) beer- cheap and it does what it's supposda

More to come later, but right now, I'm going to take advantage of 5, 1, 6 and 4. In that order.

You've got to be in it to win it

Me: This pizza is pretty good.

Him: I know. They were only $3.99 for each one. I feel like I won the pizza lottery.

After more talk about the great deal on the delicious pizzas,

Me: You are going to dream about those pizzas tonight.

Him: I'm going to get it tattooed on my chest.

Conversations

Me: I think I am going to give out pennies for Halloween instead of candy.

Gavin: Uh, Aunt Emily, kids want candy, not pennies.

Me: They can buy candy with the pennies that I give them.

Gavin: They'd rather just get the candy from you.

-This would be more hilarious to you if you could see the look of disgust on his face when he heard me even consider giving out pennies instead of candy.