According to my dad,

here are a couple of appropriate responses to the Jehovah's Witnesses knocking on the door:

a. Just don't answer the door. (Although they were at the next-door neighbor's house when you pulled into the driveway 4 minutes ago. And there are four cars in the driveway. But they'll probably believe no one's home.)

b. Tell them you are an atheist

c. Invite them in for afterbirth and crackers

d. Tell them that they are just in time for the virginal sacrifice