Yep, I'm doing it again. But mainly because my computer is not on a desk but is sitting on the end table beside my couch.

Alone on a haystack again.

Yes, I have to dart.

Fuck that. Come back. Now.

Yay. You are no longer ghetto fabulous. Just fabulous.

Are you jackin' it?

Fuck that. Quit your job on that day and let's run away to Rocktoberfest.

Too bad Dustin has a vagina and made us go to bed early.

He screamed?

Like a little girl.

Sorry. They made sad faces.

Shouldn't my weiner be your everything?

Can Meatloaf watch?

Well, your mom's vagina scares me.

Bitch, come over and do shots with us. But be warned that we are doing karaoke later.

Dude. That one chick totally shit on the floor.

She already has like four friends, including mother fuckin' Phil Collins.

You need to use proper grammar and puncutation when you text me. I am me, after all.

I want to be the first person to have gay sex in the Lincoln Bedroom.

Cool. I hope it's a naked dude with a boner.

Ask him to make me a foam sword that is capable of killing one short, but dumb, girl and one fat, but smart, girl.

***I think that it's pretty easy to see which are from me (hint: they usually include the words 'fuck' 'vagina' and 'weiner') and which are not from me (hint: references gay sex)***