Signs

Here is probably the number one sign that I will have a fucked up pregnancy: I cried during Dancing with the Stars. I don't know if you caught that, so let me say it again: I. Cried. During. Dancing. With. The. Stars. And this is with me just having normal female hormones. Now imagine me with pregnant hormones. Oh, the humanity.

But by telling you this, I'm also giving you a great insider stock tip. When I tell you that I'm pregnant, run, don't walk, and buy stock in Kleenex. And then send me half of the 4.57 million dollars that you make.