Dear Keeper of the Thermostat in Helms (fourth floor),
I don't know if your last job was keeping an eye on the thermostat located in the deepest bowels of hell, but here on Earth where we are well within the graces of God, we prefer to not have it so hot in here that our eyeballs start sweating. I'm sure in some places, Antartica for one, there may be a need for rooms with a temperature of 397 degrees, but here we would do just fine with ~72 degrees. If you could just keep this letter in mind when you are getting ready to bump up that thermostat a little, I would greatly appreciate it, as I'm sure the guy next to me would because I'm pretty sure he doesn't want me to have to start stripping in here. I promised myself that I would only strip if I needed some extra money to pay tuition with and I ain't there yet. Thanks so much!
Sweating in places I didn't even know had the ability to sweat,