A couple of weeks ago, I stopped by my parent's house on the way home from work. My brother caught as soon as I walked in the door and dragged me into a corner of the living room. He leaned down and starting whispering in my ear. I couldn't quite hear what he was saying, but I did catch the word "felching." I told him that I had no idea what that word meant. The minute I hear about something that I know nothing about it, I am compelled to Google it. He and I went over to the computer and he typed it into the search engine. He clicked on the first link that popped up. After two seconds of us reading, I said "Holy shit" and he said something along that line. He immediately clicked off of that page. We looked at each other and started to gag.
In case you don't know what felching is, you can click here (not safe for work) or you can keep reading...
My mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner, but she heard us gagging and holy shitting and asked what we were doing.
This is where you start to see how weird my family is. I asked her if she knew the definiton of felching. She said she had no clue (THANK GOD!). She asked me what is was, but I refused to tell her. She asked several more times, so I told her that I was willing to give her half of the definition. I told her that it was the act of inserting animals into asses and cooters. While this is enough to make anyone reading this cringe, hang on, it gets much worse.
Of course she had the appropriate response of "Eww, that's gross." But Will didn't think that she had suffered enough. While she is standing at the stove cooking dinner, he walks up to her and then tells her the rest of the definition.
My brother said the following words to my mother:
"It also means sucking semen out of asses and cooters."
That's right. In a span of about five minutes, two of my mother's three children said the words "asses" and "cooters" out loud to her. And he took it a step further by including the words "suck" and "semen."
Jerry Springer, here we come.