WHY ARE YOU HIGH!

This video contains my new go-to shroom music

I was just getting ready to put in a title and the annoying drop down box that comes with Firefox showed the titles I've put in that started with a 'G' and one of them was 'Get down on it.' I've got to go back and see what that one was about.

What I'm thankful for at this exact moment in time

God's abundant blessings

my family

the world's greatest friends

the love of a good cat

the like of a good man

did I mention my family?

the fact that I'm done cooking and can now look forward to just eating and eating

that my pants are looser now than they were last week

etc...

What I love right at this very moment in time:
-that I've got the house to myself for the week and a DVR filled with my shit
-this (if only it came filled)
-only three days of work this week
-and one day of eating stuff made by other people
-this. a lot.
-the cold weather when I'm going out in cute sweater, boots and jackets
-the fact that I'm getting a new car this week

What I hate right at this very moment in time:
-the fact that I feel like I need to throw up and I can't
-the fact that I can't decide whether I should just make myself throw up and get it over with
-cold weather when I'm sitting at home in ugly pajamas
-did I mention the possibility of vomit?
-the fact that I'm trading in the greatest car I've ever had (not that I've had a ton of them, but this one is just top notch. Dude, we survived a bear attack together)

Tony (extremely gay boy) while shoving way too many things into a way too small bag: I'm known for overstuffing things.

Me: that's what I've heard

It's happening...ToMoRrOw!

No time to talk

I'm trying to finish reading Twilight before Friday. kthanksbye

I am blessed far more than I can and ever will deserve to be blessed. Back tomorrow with more details.

I guess his mouth might also look kind of gay

Will: Homer* looks extremely gay. I knew he was gay as soon as I met him.

Me: No, he doesn't look gay at all. The only thing that looks gay about him is his hands.

Will: Why do his hands look gay?

Me: Because they're always wrapped around a dick.


*name has been changed to protect the gay

DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL!

YOU ARE GOING TO BE SUCKING DICK TONIGHT

To the guy I gave a skull to I want to be able to say this to someone at least once in my life

Wild Republican Couple Seeks Adventurous Cutie - mw4m Since when does George Bush know how to post on craigslist?

Clown Gang Bang Ummmm...there are no words

CAT SITTER needed for my lousy cat The ass-juice also results in ass-juice dingle berries

Pregnant lady in wife beater, riding the metro - m4w I wish this kind of love for all of us

I want to marry him

McCainland




Obamaland



from kottke.org

If you really love your pet

You'll do this. Or you can be cold-hearted like me and not do that.

Awkward and awkwarder with a bonus awkwarderer

Awkward: waking up at 6 in the morning and telling your bedmate to get his hands off your boob
Awkwarder: realizing his hand isn't on your boob, but his cat's hand is

Awkward: having a guy that you could have sworn was gay hit on you and then tell him "oh, if only you swung my way"
Awkwarder: being told by him that he does in fact "swing your way"

Awkward: telling your coworker to stop trying to touch your boob
Awkwarder: realizing that he was just reaching for a piece of paper
Awkwarderer: your coworker responds by saying "I can't open my hand that much"

As much as it pains me to say, these are just from the past two days. There will mos def be more to come.

Coming tomorrow...

an actual post with actual words from an actual person: me

We'll be discussing awkward and then awkwarder situations.

Me, by the numbers

times I've gone shopping in the past week: 0 (not having a debit card helped a lot)

shampoos and conditioners in my shower: five of each

Web sites I checked at work during election day: approximately one hundro

times I've fallen asleep on the couch this week and then woken up with wet hair and a crick in my neck, only to have to stay up and dry my hair so I won't cry when I see my hair in the morning: five

nicknames I call my cat: 18

bowls of chili I've eaten this week: four (and I've still got one to go)

days I've made my bed this week: six (I wasn't home for one of those mornings so my bed was still made for the next day, so I guess technically it was seven days)

times a day I heard Ronda say 'shoowee': 5

times a day I want to hear Ronda say 'shoowee': 12

minutes a day I spend sniffing my self (and my new perfume): 69

black shirts I have worn this week: four

minutes a day I spend doing any actual work at work: 45

times my mother said 'one more song' last night during Rock Band: three

times my father rolled his eyes and leaned back into the couch: three

Things I love

my hair for fifteen minutes after I get out of the shower

Swarlton Banks (like you didn't see that coming)

the fact that my house is spotless

these boots

my job

the fact that I get checks from three people/companies today

Kaitlyn, who finally said 'Meme' although we all know, I'll never hear her say it

this ring (and the fact that it's only $3.80)

the license plate I saw in the drive-thru that said "Knitting...it takes balls"

the fact that my mom went crazy super nuts for Rock Band last night. Like super crazy nuts.